Then in the comments below--you may use your first name or sign in if you have a google account, etc.-- add your revisions to these sentences, trying to show the reader through sensory detail rather than telling the reader what to think or feel (or what you think or feel about something):
My hometown was a wonderful (or choose your own adjective) place to grow up.
Laci had a rather eccentric style.
Mr. Brown is the worst teacher I've ever had.
The room seemed very institutional.
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Then read "Killing Chickens," an essay/chapter from Meredith Hall's memoir Without a Map. Pay attention to where the writer shows and where she tells. In a MS Word file (to be printed out at the end of class) answer the following questions:
- Copy and paste three examples of particularly effective details or images, where you can clearly see or hear or smell what the writer is describing.
- Copy and paste a couple examples of "telling" sentences, especially general statements that seem to get at the general message of the essay.
- Comment on the essay's structure. What are the events that string together to make the essay's narrative? What is the setting or settings, and how does the writer shift between them
- What do you think the essay is about? (In other words, probably none of you have killed chickens, but how does her somewhat unusual experience tie to your own life? Can you articulate what she seems to be saying about more universal human experiences than just chicken murder?)
1. I thought my hometown of New Bedford, MA was an awesome place to live as a child. But as i grew older, and the crimes got worse I changed my view about this city.
ReplyDelete2.Laci had a rather eccentric style. She would never match her clothes, and always looked like she was celebrating halloween with every outfit she wore.
3.Mr. Brown is the worst teacher I've ever had. His voice was so unclear, I could hardly ever understand him.
4.The room seemed very institutional. The walls were so bland and dirty that I felt like I would get sick if I sat in the classroom too long.
-Sassaquinn, my hometown, is a very peaceful and relaxing place. Composed of a large pond inhabited with small fish and sun turtles, Sasssaquinn is a wonderful place for a child to learn and explore.
ReplyDelete-Laci's style was more exuberant than any I had ever seen. Her 1920's flapper style dresses always made everyone who passed her take a second look.
-Mr. Brown was by far the most horrid teacher I had ever met. His breath always smelt of warm milk and cigarettes because he hated to drink coffee. Sitting through a lecture in his class was like consistently breathing in putrid smelling air.
-The room, barricaded by plain white walls and boarded small windows, made the classroom feel very institutional.
My hometown New Bedford was a disturbing place to grow up in. Living in the south end only made it worse, where gun shots were a normal occurrence and my dark narrow street was filled with crime.
ReplyDeleteLaci's eccentric style consisted of brightly colored tube socks that reached her skinny little knees and army boots that were too big for her body. Her wardrobe looked like her 5 year-old sister picked it out for her; vintage rolling stones tee with a pink skirt that matched her tube socks.
Mr.Brown was the type of teacher who told us to read a chapter and take a test, by far the worst teacher ever. He never had class discussions and would always stay playing solitaire on the computer while his students "learned."
The room was like a prison cell, white concrete walls with no windows. Just a desk at the front of the room and a few wooden chairs with desks attached to them.
Her hometown had everything that you could imagine from radiant blue sunny skies, to crystal clear tropical water,to warm sand that you could feel between your toes.
ReplyDeleteLaci would always come to class looking rather strange. With her hair messed up and clothes never matching, she didn't seem to fit in with everyone else.
Mr. Brown's teaching techniques needed some improving. He would always show up late to class and never correctly gave notes.
The room's white walls, tiled floor, and limited amount of decoration seemed to match the rest of the school.
My hometown was a horrible place to grow up.
ReplyDeleteLaci had a rather unconventional style.
Mr. Brown is the most reputable teacher I've ever had.
1. My hometown of Franklin, MA was always a quiet place. As a child I was oblivious to this fact, but growing up I began to grow bored of the lifestyle.
ReplyDelete2. Laci had a rather eccentric style. Everyday she walked into class she looked like she came from a princess' tea party.
3. Mr. Brown was the worst teacher I've ever had. My classmates called him Mumbles because most of his sentences were inaudible and sounded jumbled.
4. The room seemed very institutional. The color of the room was a sickening green that reminded me of slime.
Acushnet, my hometown til I was about ten years old was a nice quiet place to live where children could freely play outside without parents having to worry too much about them.
ReplyDeleteLaci had an unusual style, always trying to be different and wearing wild things most people wouldn't even dare to put on, most days looking like she picked her outfit with her eyes closed.
Mr. Brown, my mumbling math teacher had to be the worst I ever had.
The room was not very inviting, blank white walls, no windows, and desks with chairs attached.
1. My hometown started off as a quiet place then turned out to be a horrible noisy place to grow up in.The loud neighbors, people always fighting and arguing.
ReplyDelete2.Laci had a rather bizarre sense of style.
3.Mr.brown is one of the worst teachers i have ever had.He talks forever,and never really explains exactly what we have to do.
4. The room didn't seem very interesting to me.The walls weren't decorated,they just looked white and boring.
Somerset was an ideal environment to be raised in. It is you're typical quiet small town.
ReplyDeleteLaci had an different style from most people. She was considered weird by most people but she always remained true to herself.
Mr. Brown is a poor excuse for a teacher. He talks about irrelevant things and is boring.
This room is depressing. The concrete walls are similar to a mental institute.